melancholy

 

My thoughts today are on the words to the lyrics of this song.  If you don’t wish to read a melancholy post, then just click on out.  I understand.

However, life is life and these words struck a personal chord with me – and I know that others who read my blog can relate. 

 

I am the third woman in our family to have lost a child – my grandmother lost her daughter at the age of 28 and my aunt lost her daughter at the age of 17.  If only they were still here so I could spill my heart out to them….I know they would understand. 

   Though I am at peace knowing my son entered the gates of Heaven wearing white, I still miss him.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him or pray for him.   Some people say that “life gets easier” after losing a loved one, however I do not agree with this at all.  Life is just a different normal, if you will – never the same as when our family was a complete family.

Life’s roads are never easy – nor seldom seem fair, but there is peace knowing that God shines on us and loves us so much.  It is about having my favorite word of all time: FAITH.

“He has engraved us on the palms of his hands and will never forget us.”  Isaiah 49:16

 “Blessed are the Peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”  Matthew 5:9

Last week I met a woman at the cemetary.  Her son was in the Navy and passed away last year at the age of 25.  I did not ask why…I do not need to know why.  The simple fact is that her beloved son is gone.  Seeing the pain on her face was like looking into a mirror.  All that I could do was hug her and listen to her telling me about her beloved Christopher.

 Life is a precious gift that at any given time can be swept away from us.  Our daily mantras of doing the usual and customary things can be halted with a quick jolt of the unexpected.  That phone call, that knock at the door…..the unavoidable bad dream, if you will.  Wishing I could turn back the hands on the clock to start over…wishing I could somehow change everything back to normal.  To be able to hear him laugh, to see his smile, to share chicken fried steak at Chili’s or just simply hug him.  God I miss this!

Though each day has its peeks and valleys,

…I know my son is always with me.  He is now my guardian angel and I feel thankful for that.  We used to watch sunsets from his bedroom window….

 …but now I look up to the night’s dark sky and say goodnight….I love you, son…sleep with the angels and give everyone a hug from me.

I thank God for the double rainbow over the cemetary the day that Jordan was layed to rest under military colors…  And as the song says:

“Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby"…”

Just melancholy today…that’s all.

*peace out*